There’s no use in crying over mushy beans, rubbery tuna, or curdled stracciatella. That’s how the old adage goes, right?
I write to you after a solid week of cookbook mission failures. I had big ambitions, fueled by my successes over the first week of this project with my meticulous shopping list and cooking schedule. But one by one, these recipes dropped like flies. In fact, last night’s planned main dish of Tonno e Fagioli (made from Tuna Confit, simmered white beans, parsley, and lemon juice) transformed into takeout Thai food from our neighborhood haunt, Siam Noodle and Rice. That’s a testament to just how rubbery the tuna was, how mushy the beans were, and how much I am willing to admit that it didn’t work out.
In an effort to be honest about my wins and losses, I thought why not chronicle both as I move through this journey of learning new skills and trying new recipes. Not everything is going to be a social media spectacle, with a perfectly styled photograph and a rave review. Think of all the meals you have eaten that you didn’t photograph, didn’t remember, or worse, choked down because you just needed to eat something. So without further ado, here is a list of my food failures from the last week, some from the book, others totally free-styled, and my 10-point-scale ratings of them.
In an attempt to make a big batch of vegetable broth from a bag of vegetable scraps and a few fresh onions, carrots, celery, and parsley, I totally bombed. The broth was a gorgeous golden color but tasted horrifically bitter. My best guess is that I cooked it for too long and that some of the scraps in the bag were from bitter greens, which tainted the flavor.
0/10 I would not make this again.
Following my fiasco of vegetable broth (and previous post about chicken!) I made Samin’s gorgeous gorgeous golden Chicken Broth with a layer of fat skimmed off the top and frozen for future matzo balls. Starting off strong with perfect broth, I attempted to make a batch of Brothy Stracciatella Roman Egg Drop Soup and ended up with a bowl of curdled eggs in broth. The whole thing reeked of Bridget Jones’ blue soup, omelette, and marmalade. I know exactly what I did wrong here. I whisked too quickly rather than slowly stirring the eggs into the simmering broth with a fork. I should have put my craving to whisk eggs into something more productive and appetizing like meringue or homemade mayonnaise.
4/10 It tasted pretty okay and I’m going to make myself eat the leftovers, but dear lord is this soup funky on the eyes. When I figure out how to make it right, maybe I’ll write a happier post.
Yesterday I managed to make not one but two batches of failed simmered white beans. The first were a mushy gooey mess. The second were undercooked and yet somehow still a little mushy. While the beans taste like perfectly fine beans flavor-profile wise, they’d be best refried or buzzed with broth into a bean soup. They do not have the bite, texture, or desired look to be mixed with tuna for a refreshing and appetizing tuna and bean salad. They’re a bit of a mess, as they say on GBBO.
5/10 they’re edible but depress me. Who fails this hard at making beans twice?
In my fridge is a container of shredded rubbery confited tuna in seasoned olive oil, that Todd has generously said he will turn into tuna salad this week. Todd, thanks for taking one for the team. This tuna was a disaster. My mistake: I didn’t read the instructions closely enough and wound up cutting my raw tuna into 1-inch pieces instead of 1-and-a-half-inch pieces. I am my own worst enemy here. I’m 33 years old, I’ve been cooking for literal decades, and I know the number one rule when cooking is to read the recipe through before starting. Y’all, I skimmed the recipe and got very into cutting 1-inch cubes of tuna, like I was making ceviche or something (which perhaps I should have just done). Since I plan on eating Tonno e Fagioli before the year is over, I will be attempting confited tuna again and getting it right the next time I make it. Stay tuned!
5/10 the tuna tastes okay, it’s the consistency that’s off. I’m doing some cursed magical thinking hoping that the tuna somehow got better in the fridge overnight sitting in the oil.
Last Saturday in an attempt to make Torn Croutons from homemade sourdough bread for Roasted Radicchio and Roquefort Panzanella, I somehow managed to OVERTOAST my croutons. My apologies to my dentist, these croutons, even when tossed with Brown Butter Vinaigrette, were unforgiving on my teeth. If my crowns could talk, they’d tell me to stick to a liquid diet so long as it doesn’t contain curdled egg soup.
1/10 though the Brown Butter Vinaigrette was incredibly delicious it wasn’t wet enough to make the torn croutons edible in a bread salad.
Mercury is in retrograde, it’s the start of the second week of the semester, and I am not a perfect cook. But what I do know is when to throw my hands in the air and declare, “Todd we’re getting take out!” The Tom Kha soup was a balm and there are leftovers for lunch today. Better luck next time, I suppose! Perhaps I’ll do better with Roasted Potato, Caramelized Onion, and Parmesan Frittata or the Fresh Ginger and Molasses Cake with Scented Vanilla Cream that’s on the docket.
two bowls with blue and white floral patterns lining the rims contain yellow Italian egg drop soup with a suspicious curdled texture